In early 2024, I was contacted by the concerned parent of a high school swimmer. We’ll call him Sam.
Unfortunately, Sam needed to have his first-ever surgery a few months earlier.
The expected three-month recovery came and went, but Sam still felt pain and discomfort despite being medically cleared by his doctor. The gap between his expectations and reality was leading Sam to question everything.
What if I never fully recover?
What if continuing to swim makes things worse?
Is it even worth it to continue?
It was this last question that was particularly concerning to his parents.
He was losing motivation and not very hopeful.
His parents did not want him to make an emotional decision to quit swimming without seeing the recovery process all the way through.
As the parent of teenage athletes myself, I completely understood his parents’ fear.
Haven’t we all wondered if we are doing enough? Or, if we’re pushing too hard – or too little?
We see their potential and want to help them build resilience, but we also have to let them grow through the struggle.
Sam’s parents found me through an internet search in hopes of getting him help to work through the mental challenges associated with his recovery.
Like many of the parents that come to me, they felt their ability to help their child had been exhausted. They were looking for guidance. This is exactly why I got into the sport psychology field.
Sam was skeptical at first. Many of the teenagers I work with are.
For Sam, talking to a stranger like me about their struggles wasn’t easy. But once I asked the right questions, we began uncovering what was really weighing on him: his perceived loss of control.
So, we talked about the things that Sam could and cound NOT control.
The three-month recovery process was just one doctor’s opinion, not a fact.
His body’s response to the surgery and ability to recover was subject to many variables, many of which were out of his control.
He had done everything that the doctor had suggested of him to aid in his recovery.
So, where did we go from there?
We explored the following questions:
What if the prolonged recovery is an opportunity?
What if the injury happened for a reason?
What if you judged yourself based on your ability to withstand the adversity – rather than the pain you feel in your knee or your performance in the pool?
I was able to help Sam shift his perspective on the situation pretty quickly.
Sam was preparing for a national swim meet, but he was unsure of whether he would even compete because of his knee. So, my thought was to break his preparation into small, bite-sized controllable actions.
I posed the following question:
What if you gave 100% of what you have in training every single day even if you aren’t fully recovered (yet)?
He started to attack his training this way. He gave full effort based on what’s in the tank each day and see what happens.
So, what happened?
His pain level gradually decreased over the six or seven weeks we worked together leading up to the national meet. He still felt a bit of pain, but he accepted it rather than judging or resisting it.
His confidence level increased because he was judging himself on his approach to training rather than the outcomes (e.g., Did I go fast? Was I in pain?)
As he got closer to the meet, Sam was ready to swim in the meet. Just getting in the pool and competing was his goal. He had no performance expectations.
In our last session before the meet, we explored Sam’s performance goals.
He considered targeted goals, like making the finals in his best events. However, he didn’t contemplate winning or specific times. Most importantly, he was EXCITED for the meet.
How did the meet go?
“Just wanted to let you know S(am) is having an amazing meet. Shaving, chopping actually big numbers off his events… We could not be prouder of him and his grit and resilience with the knee issues from last year. We can’t thank you enough for your help.”
It isn’t always the case that my clients experience this much improvement – either mentally or performance-wise – in such a short period of time.
I certainly wasn’t the one doing the hard work in the pool. I don’t can’t take much credit. However, I am proud of my ability to have helped this man enjoy competing again and exceed his expectations.
Perhaps even more rewarding is the feeling of relief and joy that his parents expressed at the outcome.
As a parent, I know how it feels to lack control and often feel confused about how to help my children.
Huge credit to Sam’s parents in seeking out help when they realized they couldn’t do it on their own.
Was this helpful? Please let me know your thoughts by emailing me at hello@ftbcoaching.com.