“I’m sick to my stomach.”
A mother told me this on Thursday about her 16-year-old hockey player.
He wants to play in college, but the version of him that shows up in games hasn’t matched the one in practice — not in a good way.
She and her husband have tried to help, but their words aren’t landing (as they sometimes won’t).
We agreed on the next step: I’d meet her son, assess, and map a path forward.
Her relief came quickly—not because anything was “fixed,” but because we shifted from an emotional reaction to a planned response.
There was comfort in being heard.
There was hope in a path forward.
A day later, I had a very different conversation with the parents of another 16-year-old.
They weren’t panicked; they were observant. After nearly three months of us working together, they see a more resilient kid — he’s bouncing back faster.
But the adversity has been steady, and the messaging from adults has been ambiguous:
“Be aggressive.”
“Watch the penalties.”
“Do that again and you’re suspended.”
At last weekend’s tournament in Pittsburgh, they noticed a muted version of their son — a bit less decisive because expectations weren’t clear.
We started from a steadier place, but the work was similar: clarify, simplify, plan.
When I asked what they wanted most going forward, they didn’t hesitate:
“We want to see him play like a chainsaw more consistently.”
That’s his identity—undersized yet physical. Fearless. Chippy.
We’ve explored identity for weeks. Now the goal is to find consistency in accessing his identity: returning to “CHAINSAW” quickly, regardless of the circumstances.
Clear standards.
Process goals he can control.
Simple reset routines.
Proactive questions that remove guesswork.
I have no doubt we’ll get there.
Two very different situations. One shared destination: peace of mind.
For both families, relief came from clear communication and actions that make sense for their athlete.
If you’re a parent, you don’t need the perfect pep talk. You need a pathway that serves your athlete and your family.
Trust your instincts when choosing a partner to walk that road with you.
Wondering whether mental performance coaching could help your family right now?