Mental Performance Coaching: How Two Hockey Families Found Peace of Mind
“I’m sick to my stomach.”
A mother told me this on Thursday about her 16-year-old hockey player.
A day later, I talked with the parents of another 16-year-old. Same age, same sport, very different situation. Both families came to mental performance coaching wanting the same thing: peace of mind.
Here’s what each family was facing, and what we did about it.
Family One: When He Plays Better in Practice Than in Games
Her son wants to play in college. But the version of him that shows up in games hasn’t matched the one in practice, and not in a good way.
She and her husband have tried to help. Their words aren’t landing (as they sometimes won’t). Coming from a parent, even good advice can land as pressure.
We agreed on the next step: I’d meet her son, assess, and map a path forward.
Her relief came quickly. Not because anything was “fixed,” but because we shifted from an emotional reaction to a planned response.
There was comfort in being heard.
There was hope in a path forward.
Family Two: A Resilient Athlete Getting Mixed Messages
The second family wasn’t panicked. They were observant.
After nearly three months of mental performance coaching together, they see a more resilient kid. He’s bouncing back faster.
But the adversity has been steady, and the messaging from adults has been ambiguous:
“Be aggressive.”
“Watch the penalties.”
“Do that again and you’re suspended.”
At last weekend’s tournament in Pittsburgh, they noticed a muted version of their son. He was a bit less decisive because the expectations weren’t clear.
When I asked what they wanted most going forward, they didn’t hesitate:
“We want to see him play like a chainsaw more consistently.”
That’s his identity: undersized yet physical. Fearless. Chippy.
We’ve explored identity for weeks. Now the goal is consistency in accessing it: returning to “CHAINSAW” quickly, regardless of the circumstances.
How Mental Performance Coaching Works: Clarify, Simplify, Plan
The two families started from different places, but the work was similar: clarify, simplify, plan. Here’s what that looks like in practice.
Clear standards
A standard tells an athlete what “good” looks like before the puck drops. When coaches say “be aggressive” and “watch the penalties” in the same breath, a clear standard settles the conflict in advance, so he isn’t solving it mid-shift.
Process goals he can control
Outcome goals (goals, points, wins, scouts in the stands) sit partly outside an athlete’s control. Process goals don’t: first stride on the forecheck, finishing checks, a quick shoulder check before receiving a pass. Controllable goals give a young player something to chase besides a result.
Simple reset routines
Every game brings a bad shift, a bad call, or a bad bounce. A reset routine is a short, rehearsed sequence (a breath, a cue word, a physical trigger) that brings him back to his identity fast. If overthinking is the problem, I break down three ways to beat it in Decision-Making in Sports.
Proactive questions that remove guesswork
Instead of waiting for mixed messages, the athlete asks his coaches direct questions ahead of time: What do you need from me this weekend? Where’s the line on physical play? Clear answers remove the hesitation that made him look muted.
I have no doubt we’ll get there.
What Both Families Had in Common
Two very different situations. One shared destination: peace of mind.
For both families, relief came from clear communication and actions that make sense for their athlete. Neither needed a dramatic fix. Each needed a plan everyone understood.
That’s the quiet value of mental performance coaching. It turns worry into structure. Parents stop guessing, and athletes know what to do when things get hard.
What Sports Parents Can Take From This
If you’re a parent, you don’t need the perfect pep talk. You need a pathway that serves your athlete and your family.
A few places to start:
- Notice the gap. Is your athlete different in games than in practice? That gap is information, not a character flaw.
- Listen before you advise. Your words may not land right now. That’s normal, and it doesn’t mean you’re failing.
- Watch for mixed messages. Conflicting instructions from adults can make a confident player hesitant.
- Choose a plan over a reaction. Relief often starts the moment there’s a next step.
Even coaches get in their own heads sometimes. I wrote about that in I Got in My Head, and… I Had to Take My Own Advice.
Trust your instincts when choosing a partner to walk that road with you. You can learn more about me and how I work.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is mental performance coaching?
Mental performance coaching helps athletes build the mental skills behind consistent play: focus, confidence, emotional control and resilience. It draws on the field of applied sport psychology.
How do I know if my athlete needs a mental performance coach?
Common signs include playing well in practice but not in games, a slow recovery from mistakes, overthinking, or a loss of confidence after a setback. Read this before you hire a mental performance coach.
Do parents take part in mental performance coaching?
Often, yes. Parents see patterns a coach may not, and a shared plan keeps the messages at home and at the rink consistent.
Is mental performance coaching for you?
👉Schedule a free 30-minute consultation now
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Michael Huber, MA, CMPC® holds a master’s degree in sport psychology. He helps young athletes ages 14 to 22 be themselves when everyone is watching, including learning how to navigate overthinking under pressure. Learn more about Michael.