I had that uneasy feeling. You know the one: the knot in your stomach when you start questioning a decision you already made.
As a mental performance coach, I spend my days helping young athletes with reframing negative thoughts. A few weeks ago, I had to do it for myself. Here’s what happened, the three steps I used, and how the same approach can help your athlete.
The Moment I Got in My Head
I finally carved out time to review my email list.
Opens.
Clicks.
The dreaded (yet inevitable) unsubscribes.
As I scrolled, I caught myself fixating on who actually read my latest story.
Clients.
Friends and family.
Strangers who might become clients one day.
That’s when the uneasy feeling hit.
Did I make a mistake by sharing how my recovery shapes my work?
Shame, regret, and worry crept in, all tied to what others might think. It would’ve been easier to share a client win or, frankly, anything else.
Why “What If” Thoughts Feel So Real
That pit in my stomach was my brain firing off a fear signal. It was warning me about possible negative consequences, the same way it would warn me about a real threat.
Your brain doesn’t always know the difference between a bad email open rate and a bad situation. It treats both as danger. That’s normal, and it’s useful sometimes. But left alone, those “what if” thoughts can spiral fast.
The good news: thoughts can be trained. A meta-analysis of 32 sport psychology studies found that self-talk strategies improve athletic performance, and they work best when athletes practice them on purpose.
As I sat with the feeling, I realized something important. I had the chance to practice what I preach.
Reframing Negative Thoughts: The 3 Steps I Had to Use on Myself
Sharing that story was a calculated risk. I constantly ask young athletes to do hard things, face discomfort, and keep moving without clinging to what they can’t control.
Now it was my turn. Here’s the same process for reframing negative thoughts that I teach my athletes.
Step 1: Awareness
First, I noticed what was happening. I was obsessing over results I couldn’t control. Naming it (“I’m in my head right now”) was the first step to getting out of it.
Step 2: Acceptance
Next, I let the feeling be there. I didn’t fight it or pretend it wasn’t real. Being uncomfortable didn’t mean I had done something wrong. It meant I had done something that mattered to me.
Step 3: Action
Finally, I reframed the “what ifs” before they spiraled.
From:
What if someone unsubscribes?
What if I damage my credibility?
What if someone doesn’t like me?
To:
What if readers trust me more now?
What if my story helps someone who’s struggling?
What if being myself is good enough?
Same question. Different direction. That’s what reframing negative thoughts really looks like: you don’t erase the thought, you point it somewhere useful.
The Same “What Ifs” Show Up for Young Athletes
Those same “what ifs” show up for young athletes when they make mistakes. That’s why reframing negative thoughts is one of the first skills we work on.
They think:
What if my coach takes me out?
What if my parents criticize me?
What if I’m not good enough?
I help them shift to:
What if my coach likes my aggressiveness?
What if no one cares but me?
What if I get it on the next try?
That’s the work: becoming aware of unproductive thoughts, accepting them, and moving forward knowing the next play matters most.
I learned that lesson again doing a simple, yet important task.
I ran the play.
I reset.
I settled the noise in my head and the feeling in my gut.
How to Help Your Athlete Start Reframing Negative Thoughts
You don’t need to be a coach to help. Here are a few simple ways parents and coaches can support an athlete who gets in their head:
- Listen for the “what ifs.” After a game, ask what was going through their mind. You’ll often hear the fear underneath the frustration.
- Normalize the feeling. Let them know that nerves and doubt are part of competing. Even adults (and mental performance coaches) feel them.
- Ask the flip question. When they say “What if I mess up?”, ask “What if it goes well?” Let them come up with the answer.
- Practice before it counts. Reframing works best when athletes rehearse it in practice, not just in big moments.
- Focus on the next play. Praise how quickly they reset, not just the outcome.
Want to see this in a session? In The Power of “What If”, I show how one simple question can shift a young athlete’s mindset from fear to opportunity.
Why My Own Advice Made Me a Better Coach
Reframing negative thoughts isn’t something you master once. Remembering that I’m human, just like my athletes, helps me connect with them more deeply. It reminds me that the best solutions come when we see the game through their eyes.
The verdict? I’m glad I sent that story after all.
Bonus: No one unsubscribed (yet). If it happens, I’m ready to respond.
The uneasy feeling I had was my chance to practice the same mindset shifts I ask of my athletes every day: awareness, acceptance, and action. Because that’s the real work, moving from “What if I fail?” to “What if I grow from this?”
Frequently Asked Questions About Reframing Negative Thoughts
What does reframing negative thoughts mean?
It means noticing an unhelpful thought and choosing a more useful way to look at the same situation. You aren’t ignoring the problem. You’re changing the question you ask about it.
Why do young athletes get stuck on “what if” thoughts?
Their brains are wired to spot threats, and mistakes in front of coaches, teammates, and parents feel like threats. Without a plan, one mistake can turn into a spiral of worry about the next one.
How long does it take an athlete to learn to reframe?
It’s a skill, so it improves with practice. Many athletes notice a difference within a few weeks when they rehearse it regularly, but it keeps getting stronger over a season.
Can mental performance coaching help with reframing negative thoughts?
If your athlete gets stuck on “what ifs” after a mistake, it can help. The first step is a conversation about what you’re seeing and what your athlete wants.
👉 Schedule a free 30-minute consultation now
Michael Huber, MA, CMPC® holds a master’s degree in sport psychology. He helps young athletes ages 14 to 22 be themselves when everyone is watching, including learning how to navigate overthinking under pressure. Learn more about Michael