Does My Athlete Need a Mental Performance Coach (If They Already Have a Parent and a Coach)?

Two sets of parents.
Two different sessions.
Same day.

Neither one knew what the other had said.

One mom told me, almost word for word:

“You’re another touch point for them. You’re someone that’s in their corner, and they know that.”

The other mom spent most of an hour telling me they wanted me to keep being “a sounding board” for their kid.

Separate from them. Separate from their coaches. Just there.

This is a complete coincidence since these families live hundreds of miles apart and have never met (to my knowledge). However, this is a common theme amongst the families I serve.

Both mothers landed on this conclusion independently, acknowledging something they needed that they couldn’t provide themselves, no matter how good their intentions were.

So what is that thing?

Proximity vs. objectivity.

A parent is the closest person to a child (even if it doesn’t always feel like it).

An athletic coach cares too, but their own success is tied to outcomes.

Both of those things are valuable — and both of those things sometimes make it hard to just listen.

When a parent gives advice, it can land as pressure, even when it’s offered gently.

“I don’t trust you to make the right decision” is not what a parent means, but it’s sometimes what a kid hears — because the person saying it also decides curfews, pays the bills, and has twenty years of hopes riding on the outcome.

A coach on the field has a similar problem in reverse.

They need the athlete to perform this season, so their read of a rough week is never fully separate from what they need from that athlete when the game’s on the line.

A third voice doesn’t have either of those entanglements.

Not a parent. Not the coach keeping score.

Just someone in the athlete’s corner, with nothing to gain from steering the conversation one direction or another.

That’s not a small thing.

It’s often the difference between a kid who bottles something up for three weeks and one who says something out loud before the volume in their head gets too loud.

What that actually looks like.

One of the mothers I met with on Friday made a point of telling me:

It doesn’t have to be a scheduled session. If something comes up between our regular check-ins, they can just text. No 45-minute Zoom meeting required.

Frankly, young athletes don’t walk through that door very often, which is frustrating for their parents (and me), but it’s not really the point.

The point is that it’s always open — so on the one day it matters, it’s already there, instead of something they’d have to ask permission to use.

Trust like that isn’t built in a single conversation.

It’s built by consistently being the person who listens first and advises second, long before there’s ever a crisis to respond to.

👉 Read this before you choose a mental performance coach

This isn’t about parents stepping back.

I want to be clear about that, because it’s easy to hear “let them take the lead” and think it means doing less as a parent.

It absolutely does not.

It means giving your kid somewhere else to say more.

When an athlete feels like every conversation about their game has to run through mom or dad, they start editing themselves.

Not because they don’t trust their parents — because they don’t want to disappoint them, or worry them, or turn a bad practice into a bigger conversation than it needs to be.

Give that same kid a trusted third voice, and something shifts.

They start reaching out because they want to, not because someone told them to.

That’s the beginning of intrinsic motivation — the difference between a kid who works on their mental game because it’s required and a kid who works on it because they’re the one who picked up the phone.

And here’s the part parents don’t expect:

It usually makes their own conversations with their kid better, not worse.

When an athlete has a place to process the small stuff on their own terms, they show up to the conversation with their parents less guarded — because they’re not carrying the whole thing alone anymore.

Here are three questions to ask before you add a “third voice” to your athlete’s team:

Do they ask questions about your kid before they ever offer advice?
If something comes up, is there an easy way for your kid to reach them — or does everything have to wait for the next scheduled session?
Whose idea is it when a conversation happens? Does your athlete come to them, or does it always have to be prompted by you?

Does my athlete need a mental performance coach?

If you think your athlete might benefit from having a trusted “third voice” at their table and want to learn more about Mike’s work, schedule a 30-minute consultation now.

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I am a Certified Mental Performance Consultant® with a Master’s Degree in Sport Psychology. My mission is to help athletes ages 14 to 22 be themselves when everyone is watching. Learn more about me.